Those days when you were in the valley,
Fighting the militants
~Such a relative term~
Everyday I prayed to god almighty above,
In any encounter I hoped
He’d lose and die
And you’d win and be safe my love.
Then suddenly a thought struck me,
Would there be someone praying for him too?
Someone who loved him
just as intensely as I love you.
And it hit me that my prayers were,
Wishing all that dreadful grief, that unending pain,
I dreaded so much, on ‘HER’
Some one I had never met and would never see.
I wonder what that makes me?
To be happy you were safe
~ And him dead…
To be happy I hadn’t lost you…
And she a grief struck zombie…
Was I then selfish?
Or just plain cruel.
Was it as simple as,
You were right and he wrong
Who would judge and pass judgment ?
‘You’, ‘me’, ‘he’ or ‘she’
each fighting for their convictions
and convictions aren’t right or wrong,
just a personal statement.
And yet my prayers answered would lead to her pain
What has love made me?
Insensitive? Cruel? Uncivilized?
My love for you runs deep and I accept what its made me.
I’m not a good person…not a bad one either…
Just human I suppose,
Because I hope fervently things change
And I don’t have to choose between
~ You safe and him slain,
~ My happiness and her pain,
This choosing hurts me somewhere,
A place I didn’t even know existed,
But my love for you is such,
That knowing consciously what I’m wishing for,
Of what I’ve been reduced to,
Accepting honestly this degradation,
Without any crutches of lie,
I still wish…
It’s better Her than I.
bmw.
I see after reading the comments that people take this to be altruistic in the extreme...It isn't. It's better her pain than mine, It's better her loved one loses than mine...is the meaning of the sentence...IT"S BETTER HER THAN I.
This conflict exists...because the army doesn't really exist to fight internal wars, our own people...only external...enemies from outside.
Close
rcsood
yes that seems to be a good prayer...
:-)
me.
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bhairavis,
Glad you liked it. ;-)
will read u soon.
me.
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It is true all pray for ther loved ones. Real prayer is to pray for the well being of all and there may not be any conflicts and battles.
rcsood
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hey great poem....such hearfelt emotions 7 conflict/balanced by reality. invite u to read a few psots of mine on bhairavis iwrite2sulekha.com
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sharkofsteel007,
Okay your name is too big and makes me smile...so for future ref you will be sos007.
Glad you had an inner thought. :-)I feel deeply and I am sensitive butalso completely selfish...
I will always chose my love over hers any day! ALWAYS.
thanks for visiting my blog. and welcome to it. please keep reading. :-)
bmw.
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bmw,
right, ur account gives me an inner thought. i feel, love for husband and love for a soldier is entirely different. in case they are same person, it becomes broader. death is a phenomenon.that we must not forget. i admire that lady who feels so deeply and puts herself in those shoes. waiting for better versions in next.
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Gregory,
Firstly, Your personal View on the matter thankfully is just that your personal view.
A wife need not believe in every war the husband fights but still love him enough to be with him...And pray for him. Inspite of her personal beliefs...
But that is not the case here...Please read my poem again. and again until you understand what i have said... or forget it. It takes a certain sensitivity.
Secondly...A soldier when he joins the armed forces he does so to serve his nation... not certainly for money
Because he'll get paid more as a merceneray...
Sometimes the po,litics of your country is against what you personally think is good for your country... but as a soldier You fight on regardless of your personal beliefs...Thats the difference between a soldier and a civilian and a mercenary.
You fight for a country and a people never ever for a cause. Fanatics, terrorists, militants perhaps fight for a cause... NOT a soldier...A soldier fights for his country and the people the country belongs to. Thats what a soldier is all about...
Perhaps you need to understand that as well.
There aren't oppurtunistic soldiers in our army...only soldiers who obey orders...
And they risk their lives not because they are paid to do so...because the pay would be more had they been mercenaries...NO they fight for what perhaps most of us don't even remember anymore...a country's honour, a comrades honour, a units honour and then personal honour.
thats ofcourse my point of view...
bmw.
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Seeingeye,
NO! What i mean when I say It's better her than I is...
Its better she be a grief struck zombie than me.
Its better she lose her loved one than me.
Its better her pain than mine...
Selfish. Not generous atall. and where this is concerned I can never be generous ever! I accept Iam selfish, cruel, and I wish fervently....It's better her lovedone who loses than mine! Always.
Me.
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sorry ajit I mean it suits me...:-)
bmw.
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ajit,
Yeah. But selfishness suits you yes.
me.
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