A wanderer, a being of light, he walked the earth in our times. Full of joy, alive, happy.

This not a story of long ago. This is the story of ‘NOW’ not ‘THEN’. Of “HERE’ not ‘THERE’.

It is only the now and here that exist in my story. A wanderer and a master. Enough explanations, I can hear your collective voices in my head saying…GET ON WITH THE STORY! I shake my head to clear it…

The wanderer was a young man, and strong, wise more often than otherwise. Seeker of knowledge, truth, beauty, love, God. He was a being of light. He was full of shadows. This paradox baffled him. It made him uneasy. So he asked people, about it.

Wanderer: I am a good man. A creature of light. But at times I can see darkness take me over. I can see the shadows. I can’t fight the shadows. Can you tell me why?

People: No. We think you just pretend to be a being of light. You might be closer to the devil, and darkness. God does not allow any shadows.

Wanderer walked, and seeked, and got the same answer so often that he started to believe it. That thought so often repeated became his truth. He thought he might not be a creature of light at all, but a creature of darkness. Full of shadows and full of darkness. The devils advocate. This thought made him tired. Sad and dreary. Bogged down as if walking in a swamp which pulled at his feet, and even the simple act of putting one foot ahead of the other became an effort. He felt himself sinking the more he tried to walk.

For a wanderer not being able to walk is like slowly dying.  He sat down for a while under a tree. Looked around. He was in a secret forest by a secret stream. Secret because it couldn’t be seen until you came across it, suddenly. Like one stumbles upon truth suddenly in a single moment of clarity. He heard laughter. Full, musical, tinkling. He shut his eyes, and sighed, as if he could with the process of sighing throw the darkness out of him. Weary he got up. And followed the voice.

She was beautiful, the woman sitting on the rock, her legs in the stream, her hair short but blowing in the wind. Wearing a white tee shirt and a skirt. Skirt hitched up as high as her mid thigh. She was singing…ethereal. He blinked. She was still there singing. He felt better just looking at her. He walked. He found walking was becoming easier. The darkness was leaving him, and he saw the glimmer of the man he was once before…the creature of light.

She looked at him. With a smile. But never stopped singing, never missed a stride…of legs splashing water. One hand raised she beckoned to him. He walked, feeling lighter by the moment. Shedding the dreary weariness like one sheds clothes…effortlessly.

He sat down besides her and put his aching limbs in water. She continued to sing…the breeze soothed his brow, and his skin dead and tired came alive in the breeze.

He shut his eyes and listened, and let himself be soothed, and thought of his mother, who once soothed him thus. Lullaby.

He woke up with a start. All quiet. Just the stream flowing, the birds chirping but no voice singing…no woman besides him. He got up. Ready to search, ready to seek.

Renewed energy. Recharged now again. A purpose in life.

But he searched in the day, and in the dark of the night, by moonlight, in trees by the stream he couldn’t find her. Tired and hungry suddenly he picked a few fruits, ate. Juicy sweet and tangy taste. Relished. Grateful for them. He drank deeply from the stream. Water soothing his parched throat, trickling down his chin. He shed his clothes and jumped in the stream. Let the water cleanse him. His skin quivered with the sensation of cool water running over it. He lived in that moment feeling completely alive.

Then he came out, and slept on the rock under the moon. Naked. The breeze drying him.

He had felt so alive once long before he began his journey…when he believed in himself. He was full of excitement over his quests.

The dawn beautiful in all its colours, splendid, red, orange, violet, Yellow, serene spread across the sky. Colours reflected in the water. He watched awestruck. Then he heard her. He looked she was standing by the tree. Smiling. He smiled back. She came to him. Looking at him with the kind of love, he used to see a long time ago in the eyes of …

He realized he was naked. He blushed. And jumped into the stream. She sighed.

"Wear your clothes then" she said to him in a voice that held a trace of sorrow, curiously he felt the sorrow reflected him. He came out and wore his clothes. Some how dressing seemed like a wrong thing to do. She turned. And looked at him. With the same look in her eyes, but some how he wasn’t able to look into her eyes. He sighed at the loss. There had been something there…he couldn’t remember what…

She spoke softly,” You seek?” he was surprised, and said he did. But that now he didn’t remember what he sought. Last night I remember I sought you.

She smiles,” seek and you shall find”.

He asks,” I am a creature of darkness aren’t you scared of me?’’

She sighs a soft sigh, “don’t you remember me then? Why should I be afraid of you? You are afraid of yourself enough? What have they done to you? What have you let them do to you?” She touches his cheeks softly. He heals. He feels all the years peel away. He feels young again. Fearless again. Energized again. And he looks into her eyes.

He asks,” Who are you?”

She smiles, “Any one you want me to be. For now the only person who will answer your questions. But first eat.” So saying she offers him a vegetable roll. He eats. He has never eaten such tasty food before. Just like his mother…He looks up and says…”yes that’s who you remind me of my mother!”

She laughs full tinkling laughter,” The light dawns!”

He smiles,”It does sometimes rarely, but it does. Tell me, what did you do to me when you touched my cheeks, I remember suddenly, how I used to be before life happened to me. All my questions.”

She says,” I healed you. Reflected you. The being of light.”

But if I am a being of light why are there shadows in me?

She looks into the forest, and says” yesterday when you saw me gone, and went searching for me did you see shadows following you?”

Yes! Of course I saw them. My shadow, the shadow of the trees, birds flying high.

Smiling and nodding her head, she picks up a stone and throws it in the stream and watches the ripples, “And last night? Did the shadows come out?”

He shaking his head,” No doofus no one sees the shadows in the dark. Only in the moonlight light shadows. Don’t you know there can be no shadows in the dark?”

She throws back her head and laughs wildly, full of joy,” Exactly.”

And suddenly light dawns,” The shadows in me exist only because I am a creature of light. They wouldn’t be If I were dark.

She nods her head, her hair falling over her eyes which she blows off her forehead,” Only in light is their existence…darkness does not breed shadows. Darkness exists because of light. The absence of light…”

He is quiet, pondering on this truth. She is quiet letting him think.

He suddenly,” So what about Truth, God, Knowledge, Love?”

She looks at him,” what about them? And why so many words to say the one thing? GOD.”

But tell me the truth of it?

She shakes her head.” I can’t. You have to find your own truths. That’s the purpose of life. Experience should be the only guiding path towards truth. Your own experiences, no one else’s words. If you live, and believe their words over your experiences…You live a life of a second rater. That means you have to live again, till you learn, there can be no truths, that you haven’t stumbled upon in moments of clarity.”

He looks stunned,” Like suddenly when I shed everyone’s opinion of who I was, I felt younger, happier, alive! It was belief in their words and discarding my experience about my self that led me to be so tired!”

She is smiling encouragingly,” yes! And that is a sure sign that you are living a truth or not, truth no matter how difficult, always energizes…and a lie no matter how easy and correct, will deplete you of energies. Make you feel dreary.”

He,” I felt shame while I was standing in front of you naked. But I felt wrong to dress too. So what is the truth?”

Laughing with head thrown back,” Your first reaction was preconditioned, you didn’t feel ashamed, you were natural and smiling, but you felt as if you should feel ashamed, of your body, such a beautiful body, Gods gift, a divine temple. Then the you inside rebelled at the shame you believed you had to feel, and so you felt it wrong to dress.”

“That makes sense. But if I hadn’t dressed we might have made love? ”

She is rolling on the floor and laughing, he doesn’t know what exactly he feels about, her laughing at the thought of making love with him. he frowns.

She between gasps,” Oh! That’s priceless! Don’t fret, you must allow me my moments of fun. No, the moment wasn’t right for love making, it was about truths, and questions and healing. But when the time is right, what is wrong about making love? Why is the whole consciousness thinking God is against making love? That it is a sin?

He,” well isn’t it religion that says so”.

She,” Well religion is again someone else’s words not your own experience. Have you felt away from God while making love or closer to God? Think about how you feel not how you are supposed to feel.”

He smiles,” closer.”

She,” exactly! And if God didn’t want you to enjoy sex she wouldn’t have made it!”

He laughs,” Yes! you got a point. You are wise and such fun”.

She smiling as if over some joke,” so not entirely a doofus? Ok listen I think you’ll be fine now, I must leave.”

He,” No! You can’t leave. After ages I found a perfect friend, I love you. You can’t leave! Marry me and come away with me.”

She sweetly smiles,”

A friend yes.

I will always be,

 But there is some one waiting

 Round the corner for you,

 And it’s also me.

I am leaving, but not going anywhere,

You close your eyes and seek truth,

You’ll find me there.

I’m leaving but am not going anywhere,

You seek love, and honestly make it a joy,

And you’ll find me there.

I’m leaving but not going anywhere,

You seek God,

Look within your very heart,

Your soul, your spirit,

And my friend, my son, my love,

You’ll find me there.”

So saying she vanished. He sat their stunned. He had been in the presence of the master; he had seeked god, and God  said,” seek and you shall find”. He had found God.

And dank if she wasn’t a woman! He was laughing outrageously, and he realized,” God! Had a sense of humour!”

BMW.

This is entirely my perception of god. You must believe your truths. I'll believe mine they bring me Joy.